Monday, April 9, 2012

Weekend. Weakend.

It has come to my attention that in order to truly call myself a blogger, then I actually need to blog more than just once a week.  "Well, why do we all have to suffer in order for you to call yourself a blogger?" you might ask. Well, I don't know. All I can say is that life is not fair, as proven by the existence of Sophia Vergara and Christina Hendricks (I mean, seriously; just when I get down to a minimal level of self-loathing and bad body image, I see one of those two on TV).

Back to me being a "blogger." I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to write about myself, or some sort of expertise that I have......*crickets*

OK, I've wracked my brain and I think I'm just going to write about my past weekend; mainly to make you feel good about the much more fun weekend you had.

I'm going to start off my weekend with Thursday night. Not because I'm such a social darling that I had something going on every night. Nope. Thursday night was the only night that I actually did any sort socializing. So, Thursday night I did this:
Before you jump to conclusions, I didn't go pants-less line dancing at a country bar. I was pants-less burlesque performing at a biker bar...which makes it way more classy. To elaborate, I was performing with the Peaks and Pasties half-time show during the Three Bad Jacks show at Southside Johnny's. I thought my performance was going well...UNTIL a couple just got up and started slow-dancing right in front of the stage. I repeat, a couple got up and started slow-dancing RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE MOTHERF*CKING STAGE.  During my performance. For those of you who are saying "what's wrong with that?," please stop reading now and go find an How To Be An Even Bigger Assh*le blog to read. Seriously, getting up and dancing right in front of a burlesque performance is like getting up and telling jokes right in front of a stand up comedian. I really didn't think my performance was THAT boring that this couple thought they should show me how it's done.  Blurg.

So that was Thursday night.

Friday morning, the hubcap (for those who don't know, that's slang for "husband." My friend Don introduced me to this term and I love it) and I decided that we would go to Ikea. I feel like this sentence needs clarification as well. First, my hubcap is a teamster and he get's Good Friday off, that's why I'm considering Friday morning as part of the weekend. And second, Ikea is kind of a big deal because we live in Colorado Springs and just got our first Ikea in Denver like a year ago. And I was taking my husband to an Ikea for the first time....little did he know it would most likely be his last.

We made the 60 min trek to the Swedish cheap furniture and housewares store around noon-ish, so we got there just in time for a lunch of their "famous" Swedish Meatballs:

My review: Meh. But, you have to try it once, right? Now, I want you to know that I am not an Ikea novice. I used to live in LA and my tiny apartment owed the majoring of it's lighting and seating to the Burbank Ikea. In fact, it was at the Burbank Ikea that I saw a very young Timothy Olyphant...some 13+ years ago. I'm not including that info to brag (well, maybe a little bit), but rather to establish that I have been to an Ikea and I really should have known better.....I think 13 years away from anything clouds your judgement.

Let me first start by saying that for some reason I decided to wear high heel boots. Clearly, I forgot about the size of the Swedish Monster. About 1/8 of the way through, my feet were whimpering.

I also have never been shopping there with a better half. Surprisingly, the Hubcap and I survived without any sort of marriage-ending housewares squabbles. I witnessed some other couples there who weren't so lucky.  The whole time I just kept remembering the recent 30 Rock where Liz Lemmon and her new boyfriend go to Ikea together to pick out a table. It ends in tears.

We did ok. And we didn't buy anything that we had to assemble, so that's a win. Here's a couple of noteworthy things we bought:
This is an adorable Octopus laundry hanger. I chose to use it for storing my hats. I think that was quite clever on my part. We also got this:
Not the purse...the Cat Butt wall hanger. Yep. I'm a grown up.

After we got done with Ikea, we decided to venture over to H&M, another relatively low-priced retailer that has been around in major cities for decades, but is just now coming to Colorado. Essentially, it's cheap hipster clothing. And while the hubcap and I are cheap, we are not hipster. The store was packed and slightly disheveled. I didn't have any luck there at all, but my feet were throbbing at this point, so I wasn't willing to put in the "shopping effort" required at stores like this.

Next we decided to get away from the hipster chains and start shopping local. I'm so glad we did. We hit up S. Broadway in Denver. If you haven't shopped this area, do it. Right away, hubcap and I felt back in our element amongst the vintage and handmade stores. My favorite was a place called Sewn ( They had really great, one of a kind, handmade items. I also picked up this little gem on our Broadway shopping adventure:
That is a dinosaur fossil hair comb. It's prehysterical! I don't remember the store I got this one at, but the staff was incredibly friendly.

So, to sum up Friday, and perhaps everyday going forward; shop small and local. It will be much easier on the psyche.

Saturday was pretty much the same, but involving Colorado Springs thrift stores. During this outing, however, I realized 2 truths: 1) There is a 90% chance that James Taylor will be playing on the thrift store radio and 2) No matter what section of the store you are in, some old biddy will follow you and make a beeline for whatever item you are looking at.

Well, that was pretty much my weekend. I know. Not even really worth writing a blog about, so I do apologize to the 4 of you who read this.  Hope your weekends were much more enthralling than mine:)

Oh, and shameless plug time, here's my shop:
and here's my website:

1 comment:

  1. I like the part about your sweet caring husband. Sounds like an all-around awesome dude.