Monday, April 16, 2012

The Hangover

I'm not quite sure what happened this weekend, but I do know that Sunday I had to endure a DAY LONG HANGOVER. I'm not joking. My headache lasted from minute I woke up until I went to bed. I actually thought for a second that I must have received some sort of head injury the night before. Ugh.

And here's the kicker: I didn't drink that much.

Which leads me to one of two conclusions: 1) Someone slipped me a Mickey or 2) I'm getting old.

Since I was drinking with friends and trusted loved ones, option number 1 is not really a possibility, so it must be option number 2. Blurg. It's so gross when old people get drunk.

And why was I imbibing so much you ask? Well, I was performing in a burlesque show at Stargazer's Theater in Colorado Springs. Peaks and Pasties (the burly-Q troupe I belong to) was lucky enough to host the Dangerous Curves Ahead Tour out of NYC. The tour features such fabulous performers as Minnie Tonka, Gigi LaFemme, Clams Casino, Anita Cookie, and my personal favorite, Darlinda Just Darlinda. I was truly honored and humbled to share the stage with such phenomenal talent. Check them out at

But back to my hangover. You see, I had no intentions of getting super drunk....but, we had a wonderful cocktail waitress backstage who was so quick to bring me beers that I thought it would be rude not to order more and more from her. So, really, it's her fault. Also, I was drinking Blue Moon (which has loads of sugar) instead of my usual Newcastle or Guinness.  So, it's also the Blue Moon's fault.

Do you see how I'm not taking any credit for my hangover? In self-help speak, I believe they call that "denial."

Anyway, I don't want to make this blog all about my let's make it about preventing hangovers. Here are some options that I've found help alleviate and in some cases, prevent hangovers:

1. Zaca Recovery Patch. ( I've tried this once and I must say that it worked pretty well. I have friends who swear by it. It's just a tiny patch that you stick to your arm or lower back before you go out drinking. Apparently, it's loaded with vitamins and some sort of anti-hangover magic.
2. Pedialyte. Drink this before you go to bed. I suggest pairing it with a multi-vitamin, if your stomach can handle it. I does make a difference when you wake up in the morning.
3. Water (aka Poor Man's Pedialyte). It's old timey, but effective. Drink a full glass of water before you go to bed. AND, you should alternate water with alcoholic beverage while you are drinking, but who has the foresight to do that?
4. Don't drink. Wait, how did that make the list. Sure, in bizarro world that might work....
5. A Super hot bath. This one is reserved for the next day. So, let's say that you forgot all the preventative measures and you are now living in a self-induced hell. This one doesn't cure your hangover, but it really does help. My theory is that when you submerge your self in really hot water, then you start to sweat out all those pesky toxins that are keeping you down. I also add lavender oil and a few black tea bags to the bath water. The lavender oil helps keep nausea at bay and the tea gives you just a little bit of caffeine. If you opt for this option, make sure you have a glass of water by your bath tub. You will be sweating a lot, so you need to keep your body hydrated.
6. Liquids. Anything that has water in it. I personally find green tea to be effective, but fruit juice, gatorade, etc. can be good as well. But, fruit juice and gatorade are loaded with sugar, which could cause you to sugar crash and eventually make you feel worse. I also recommend luke warm water. It sounds gross, but your body absorbs warm liquids easier than cold ones, so this will get you hydrated faster.
7. Aspirin. Again, old-timey, but effective.
8. A cute animal. It's pretty amazing what an adorable pet can do for your feelings of shame, regret, and embarrassment. Most animals don't judge you.
9. A heating pad. For that pounding head of yours.
10. Hair of the Dog. So, you've tried all these things and you still feel like the south end of a north bound dog? Well, when in doubt, just give up. A bloody Mary usually does the trick. However, the side effect of this is that you just get drunk again and you end up with another hangover the next day...and eventually a huge drinking problem and possibly cirrhosis of the liver. But, you got rid of that pesky hangover, didn't you?

I guess now's the point in which I mention that I am not a medical professional and none of my advice should ever be taken seriously. Ever. By anyone.

I also know that there are many other ways to prevent/cure a hangover, some of which are not legal. So I left those off the blog, so don't write me and "say what about ______ ?" This ain't Studio 54.   

OK, I got the CYA out of the way. Now to finish off my blog with a popular internet meme so this will show up in SEO's.....

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