Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Goose, Gander, Gaggle

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander." For the longest time, I thought this expression meant "what's good for one person is good for the whole group." This is NOT what it means. A "gander" is a male goose. So, what this expression means is: "what's good for the woman is good for the man." Hmmm. I realize now that I was confusing the term "gander" with the term "gaggle," which means a group of geese.  "Gaggle"/"Gander."  Whoever the smartypants was who decided on geese terms should have chose words that are less similar and less confusing.

The disturbing thing about this aforementioned rant is that I think there was one person in etymologic history whose job it was to make up goose terms, all with the malevolent intentions of confusing me. I am not a rational person.

Well, I think you know where we are going with this blog post: Asshole word-maker-uppers. Just kidding. We are going to talk about geese, silly.

  • Here's the deal- I think geese are totally cute and I love all animals, but it has also been my experience that geese are dicks. This fact backs me up: Geese protect their young. Which means they will charge you if you encroach on their homestead. So, I guess geese aren't really dicks, they are just being good parents.
  • Geese, more specifically Canadian Geese, eh; mate for life. But, if their mate dies, the living half of the couple will seek out a new partner. 
  • Geese prefer fertilized grass over unfertilized grass, which is why they are often found on golf courses. That and the fact that they are awesome golfers. You are now picturing geese with golf pants on, aren't you? And it is amazing, isn't it?
  • Migratory geese have a strong urge to return to their place of birth. Sometimes this requires them flying up to 3,000 miles to do so.
  • If they are in a hurry, migratory geese can fly up to 60 mph. Whoa.
  • So, why do they fly in that V formation? It helps reduce drag. So, if one of them falls out of formation, they instantly feel the wind resistance and get back into formation where it's easier to cruise. Pretty smart for a silly goose.
  • If I had a pet goose, I would not name it Goose, I would name it Maverick. Just to be tricky.
So, there you go. And take a gander at this necklace: