Thursday, January 12, 2012

Butter. Fly.

I'm getting to that age where I'm starting to get somewhat forgetful. As the days go by, a lot have pertinent information in my head has been replaced by 30 Rock quotes and Beastie Boys lyrics...and sometimes I don't know which is which.

That being said, I'm going to blog about butterflies. I don't think I've written about them before. I know that I wrote about moths and bees and various other insects, but I don't think I've delved into the world of butterflies.  If I have, than please forgive this doddering, feeble-minded old lady. You too will be on the wrong side of thirty someday, remember that.

  • First up, the name: Butter. Fly. What is up with all that? Well according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, it's just what you think it is...well, sort of. The name comes from the old english "Buttorfleoge" (I dare you to work that word into your next social outing); which has evolved to "Butterfly."  The origins aren't quite clear, but it's suspected that it might have to do with the old notion that insects consume butter or milk when left uncovered. Also, people thought butterflies were witches disguised as insects trying to steal your butter. Old timey people blamed EVERYTHING on witches. Another school of thought is that the "Butter" part of Butterfly referred to the color of the insect's excrement. Ew. And a third, less imaginative theory is that the "Butter" refers to the pale yellow color of many butterflies' wings. Personally, I'm going with the butter-stealing witches theory. It just makes the most sense to me.
  • Butterflies range from 1/8 inch to 12 inches. A 12 inch butterfly has got to be a witch.
  • They have short life spans. The longest living butterfly variety is the Brimstone Butterfly, which can live up to 10 months...but that's only because they made a deal with the devil (Get it? Brimstone? Ah, never mind. It's so lame when old people make jokes.)
  • Butterflies, like Kardashians, can be found on every continent except Antarctica. Unlike Kardashians, however, people actually enjoy seeing butterflies.
  • Caterpillars grow crazy fast. If a 7 pound human baby grew at the same rate, it would weigh 189,000 pounds by adulthood. So, next time you get hung up about eating that extra piece of cheesecake, just remember: at least you're not a caterpillar.
  • Butterflies use their colorful patterns to blend into the environment as a defense mechanism. Other types of butterflies have toxic chemicals in their bodies, and most predators have learned that their color variations represent toxicity. Pretty rad, huh?
  • The biggest threat to butterflies? You guessed it- humans. We keep fucking with their habitat. Because we are assholes.
Feel bad about being a human? Well, don't be so hard on yourself. We all have our faults. Why don't you just buy this necklace to take your mind off of things. It's on sale today.....

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