Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Sex!

Well, that got your attention, didn't it? Yes, I'm going to write about sex today. Why? Well, to be honest- I need the blog hits and from what I understand, sex sells. Want proof? My most popular blog post to date was titled "A Few Facts About V.D." And by, "V.D." I meant Valentines Day, but you pervs had to take it somewhere else.

 Oh, and it's hump day, so why not write about sex....

So, let's talk about sex, baby (Please forgive the out-dated Salt N Pepa reference, I'm old and I don't know any better). This may or may not be NSFW, depending on where you work...and if you want to keep your job.


  • Sex burns an average of 100 calories. Unless you are really lazy.
  • Guess what swells during sex?...Well, besides the obvious- The inner nose.
  • Over 1/3 of women over the age of 80 still have sex with their boyfriend or spouse. First of all- Atta girl! Second- Ew.
  • Aussies are the most likely to have threesomes, with about 28% of the population claiming to have had a threesome. Gives new meaning to the term "Down Under" (cue rimshot).  However, I don't recommend going to the Outback Steakhouse to solicit a threesome. They will ask you to leave. Don't ask me how I know that.
  • Half of single women have sex by the third date. The other half are lying.
  • Sex can relieve a headache because it relieves the tension that is constricting blood vessels in the brain. You're welcome married men- I just gave you a solid way of convincing your wife to have sex on a Tuesday night.
  • Twelve per cent of women say they would have sex with a President if propositioned. Totally depends on which president...that Millard Fillmore was a hottie!
  • June is the most common month for Americans to lose their virginity. I'm also going to assume that that is the month when most parents have cheap wine stolen from their liquor cabinets.
  • Here's a fact for all my burlesque buddies- The merkin was originally created in the 15th century for prostitutes to be used as a "pubic wig" to hide lice and the symptoms of syphilis. No evidence if they used swarovski crystals or not....
  • Early Japanese condoms were made of tortoise shell or animal horn. Um, ouch?
  • The term "blow job" comes from Victorian times. A slang term for a Victorian hooker was "Blowsy," and "blow" was slang for ejaculation. You can put it together from there. 
  • Something else weird- "blow job" was also used to describe jet planes during World War II. That could lead to some confusion...
  • Men have an average of 11 erections per day. Really? No wonder you all never have the time to take out the trash or fix that broken light switch.
  • Sex-related entertainment is not recession-proof. Adult clubs, mags, escorts, etc. usage has taken a dramatic plunge as 42% of dudes have cut that from their budgets.
So, there you go, you saucy minxes. There's your sex facts. Now go forth and multiply. 

Birds do it, Bees do it. Even cats dressed in Victorian garb do it. What? It's not like I have a straight up "sex necklace" to sell. But, I do have to pay the bills, so here's the necklace I'm hawking today:
And, use coupon code BLOG15 for 15% off your entire order in my etsy shop.

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