Monday, November 28, 2011

Cyber Monday Lunacy

Hey, I'm sure you haven't heard...from everything on TV and everything on the Internet...but, today is Cyber Monday.

And since I'm on the subject- I have a special going on today only in my etsy shop. Enter coupon code CYBER25 at checkout for 25% off your entire order. I don't want to belabor the point, but his is one hell of a deal. You are essentially getting my items for wholesale prices (because I'm a liberal arts major and that whole 50% markup never made sense to me). OK, now that I got that piece of housekeeping out of the way, on to the blog.

As I said, it's Monday. Do you know where our word for Monday comes from? The moon. Yep. So, here's some moon facts for ya'!

  • The word Monday is derived from the Middle English (not to be confused with Middle Earth) word "Moneday," which means "Moon Day." Told ya' so.
  • Other words derived from the word for moon or lunar: lunacy, lunatic, moonshine (heh)....
  • The moon is 4.5 billion years old. It was created to be used as reading light for Larry King....See what I did there? Larry King is older than the moon. I'm clever.
  • Like a loveless marriage, the moon is slowly drifting away. At a rate of 4 cm per year.
  • Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album lasted on the Billboard Top 40 charts for 741 weeks from 1973 to 1988. Longer than any other album in history. 741 weeks is a long time for a population to remain continuously stoned...but it really does explain the 1970's and 1980's,
  • Around 13% of Americans believe that the moon is made out of cheese. Around 20% of Americans think the moon landing was a hoax. I imagine these are the same people who think Tara Reid is a good actress.
  • According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the phrase "To Moon" (as in show off your ass) is most likely derived from the buttocks' similarity to "pale circularity." I see someone has seen me perform my Fat Bottom Girls burlesque act...
So there it is. Some moon facts for your Cyber Monday.  And here's a necklace for you. And it can be 25% cheaper if you use coupon code CYBER25 at checkout:) Good through Midnight, Nov. 28 2011

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Sea Monkey See, Sea Monkey Do

Well, tomorrow is the official start of the holiday season and I thought that I should blog about something that everyone will most likely have to face in the upcoming weeks: disappointment.

And what is more disappointing than Sea Monkeys? Remember the excitement you felt after ordering your first batch of live Sea Monkeys, only to discover that they were just weird specs of possibly-dead lameness, floating in dirty water.

But, you bought them, didn't you? And I would suggest that the 6-8 weeks of waiting in joyous anticipation of your briny friends' arrival, far outweighs the actual let-down that is the Sea Monkey phenomenon.

Let's talk about Sea Monkeys, shall we?

  • Sea Monkeys are the brain child (or should I say "brine child") of inventor Harold von Braunhut. Sounds like a made up name, if I'd ever heard one. But, wikipedia never lies. Ever. Anyway, the creatures were a hybrid of brine shrimp.
  • Originally called "Instant Life," von Braunhut changed the name to Sea Monkeys in 1962. He came up with the name because the tails of the little shrimp looked like monkey tails. And also they lived in salt water. Thus, Sea Monkeys. 
  • Harold von Braunhut aggressively marketed his new product in the pages of comic books. He hired illustrator Joe Orlando to create the image of the now famous Sea Monkeys, living in a magical, Atlantis like world. So, it is Joe Orlando that we have to thank for giving us the first hard lessons we learned as children: Adults are liars.
  • So, how long do Sea Monkeys live? According to the Sea Monkey website, up to 2 years:  "Thanks to new computer-driven processing technologies and ultra-pure, non-toxic chemicals, twice as many Sea-Monkeys instantly hatch, grow larger and live longer than ever before.This makes me feel kind of bad that mine only lived for 2 days.
Well, believe it or not, there's just not a lot of interesting facts about Sea Monkeys....but here's an interesting belt buckle:

And, use coupon code BLOG15 for 15% off your entire purchase in my etsy shop.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Happy Birthday, Scorsese!

There are a few debates that take place in our household that my husband and I have realized that we need to just "let go" for the sake of our marriage:

1) Chunky vs. creamy peanut butter- I will only eat creamy; otherwise you might as well just shell a peanut and crumble it over your bread.
2) Pulp vs. no pulp orange juice- again, we have come so far as a species; why in the world would people still want awful chunks of orange in their juice?
3) The Godfather vs. Goodfellas. While I love The Godfather and The Godfather part II, I will stand by and defend Martin Scorsese's Goodfellas as the best mob movie of all time. And, I don't want to spark a debate about this because my beliefs are unwavering.

And guess what? It's Martin Scorsese's birthday today. So I want to take this opportunity to say  happy f*ckin' birthday, Marty. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you. So, here's a few facts about one of the greatest auteurs of all time:

  • Scorsese was born in 1942 in Queens, New York."I'm New York. Don't you never come in here empty handed again, you gotta pay for the pleasure of my company." - Bill the Butcher, Gangs of New York 
  • As a kid, he was asthmatic and couldn't play sports, so instead he spent a lot of time at the movies. "Twenty Dollars! Let's go da movies!" - Charlie, Mean Streets
  • Went to NYU film school. "Now I see it clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. I see that now. There has never been any choice for me." - Travis Bickle, Taxi Driver
  • He has been married 5 times. "Did you f*ck my wife?" Jake La Motta, Raging Bull
  • He is 5'3" tall.  "I'm a little f*cked up, but I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to f*ckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?" Tommy DeVito, Goodfellas
  • Although nominated 6 times for a best director Oscar since 1981. Scorsese didn't win one until 2007 for The Departed. Yeah, that's right; the rap group Three Six Mafia won an Oscar before Scorcese did... "Maybe someday you'll wake the f*ck up." Frank Costello, The Departed
  • Before he decided to make movies, Scorsese was seriously considering joining the priesthood. "Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here: the right way, the wrong way, the the way I do it. You understand?" Ace Rothstein, Casino
So there's a few tidbits about Scorsese. And here's a few pieces of jewelry that remind me of Scorsese films/projects:
The Aviator
Raging Bull
Gangs of New York
The Last Temptation of Christ
The Age of Innocence
Bringing Out the Dead
Boardwalk Empire

Interested in any of these? Use coupon code BLOG15 for 15% off:)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Well, that got your attention, didn't it? Yes, I'm going to write about sex today. Why? Well, to be honest- I need the blog hits and from what I understand, sex sells. Want proof? My most popular blog post to date was titled "A Few Facts About V.D." And by, "V.D." I meant Valentines Day, but you pervs had to take it somewhere else.

 Oh, and it's hump day, so why not write about sex....

So, let's talk about sex, baby (Please forgive the out-dated Salt N Pepa reference, I'm old and I don't know any better). This may or may not be NSFW, depending on where you work...and if you want to keep your job.

  • Sex burns an average of 100 calories. Unless you are really lazy.
  • Guess what swells during sex?...Well, besides the obvious- The inner nose.
  • Over 1/3 of women over the age of 80 still have sex with their boyfriend or spouse. First of all- Atta girl! Second- Ew.
  • Aussies are the most likely to have threesomes, with about 28% of the population claiming to have had a threesome. Gives new meaning to the term "Down Under" (cue rimshot).  However, I don't recommend going to the Outback Steakhouse to solicit a threesome. They will ask you to leave. Don't ask me how I know that.
  • Half of single women have sex by the third date. The other half are lying.
  • Sex can relieve a headache because it relieves the tension that is constricting blood vessels in the brain. You're welcome married men- I just gave you a solid way of convincing your wife to have sex on a Tuesday night.
  • Twelve per cent of women say they would have sex with a President if propositioned. Totally depends on which president...that Millard Fillmore was a hottie!
  • June is the most common month for Americans to lose their virginity. I'm also going to assume that that is the month when most parents have cheap wine stolen from their liquor cabinets.
  • Here's a fact for all my burlesque buddies- The merkin was originally created in the 15th century for prostitutes to be used as a "pubic wig" to hide lice and the symptoms of syphilis. No evidence if they used swarovski crystals or not....
  • Early Japanese condoms were made of tortoise shell or animal horn. Um, ouch?
  • The term "blow job" comes from Victorian times. A slang term for a Victorian hooker was "Blowsy," and "blow" was slang for ejaculation. You can put it together from there. 
  • Something else weird- "blow job" was also used to describe jet planes during World War II. That could lead to some confusion...
  • Men have an average of 11 erections per day. Really? No wonder you all never have the time to take out the trash or fix that broken light switch.
  • Sex-related entertainment is not recession-proof. Adult clubs, mags, escorts, etc. usage has taken a dramatic plunge as 42% of dudes have cut that from their budgets.
So, there you go, you saucy minxes. There's your sex facts. Now go forth and multiply. 

Birds do it, Bees do it. Even cats dressed in Victorian garb do it. What? It's not like I have a straight up "sex necklace" to sell. But, I do have to pay the bills, so here's the necklace I'm hawking today:
And, use coupon code BLOG15 for 15% off your entire order in my etsy shop.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Dia De Los Muertos!

Well today is All Saints Day and it's the beginning of celebrations in Mexico for Dia De Los Muertos, or Day of the Dead- for all you gringos out there. To celebrate, I'm having a bit of chocolate an cinnamon in my coffee this morning...I would've added Kahlua, but I have stuff to get done today.....

Don't know what Day of the Dead is? Well, it's not the George Romero movie, but it is just as cool.

  • Day of the Dead is celebrated on All Saints Day (Nov. 1) and All Souls Day (Nov. 2)...I guess it should be called Days of the Dead, but I'll put the semantics issue aside.
  • Day of the Dead is celebrated mainly in Mexico and a few other Latin American countries. It emphasizes remembering and honoring the spirits of deceased loved ones. 
  • Day of the Dead has origins with the Aztecs and other Meso-American civilizations. It was common practice to celebrate the lives of dead ancestors and some cultures would keep skulls and use them in ceremonies to symbolize death and rebirth. The original Day of the Dead celebrations took place in August. But, along came the Spanish conquistadors and they flipped out when they saw this "gruesome" display. So, they suggested (read: forced) the native populations to celebrate Day of the Dead on the the Catholic church's All Saints Day and All Souls Day.
  • Children's souls are believed to return on Nov. 1, and adult souls are believed to return on Nov. 2. Families build shrines (or altars called offrendas) and decorate graves with sugar skulls, marigolds, toys for the children, and tequila for the adults.
  • Sugar skulls actually came from Italian missionaries in Mexico. The Italians brought their confectionary skills to the native population and boom- sugar skulls!
  • My dining room is decorated in Day of the Dead, complete with an offrenda/bookshelf. Also, we decorate our Christmas tree in Day of the Dead, complete with sugar skulls and marigolds. I call it El Arbol de los Muertos....because I took high school Spanish.
  • Undoubtedly, the most famous Day of the Dead artist has got to be Jose Posada. He originally started out as a political cartoonist, but moved into doing commercial work and children's illustrations. Images like La Calavera Catrina or The Calavera of the Female Dandy were used to satirized the life of the upper class in Mexico, but are now used in many Day of the Dead art projects as the images are now in the public domain.
Speaking of one such art project, here's a Day of the Dead necklace using the artwork of Jose Posada:
Use coupon code BLOG15 for 15% off!